We are heading to Prague tomorrow – 7 hours on the train – and I was wondering if I had missed anything that I could possibly take along to entertain myself. Typically, I googled, “things to do on a long train journey” and found the usual stuff – iPod, watch movies, sleep, read, take photos, write in a journal, blog…
Then I came across this site, which offered the following ABSOLUTELY GENIUS advice:
Twenty Things To Do While Bored On A Train Ride
1. Hold a newspaper upside down in front of you. Pretend to read it complete with facial expressions. Laugh loudly when you get to the comics.
2. Ask the stranger next to you if you can borrow their Chapstick. Mumble the word “asshole” when they refuse.
3. Make an extremely loud farting noise by placing your hands over your mouth and blowing hard. Look at the person next to you with complete disgust and move to another car.
4. Try to get everyone to sing Kumba-ya with you. Learn all the verses and make copies of the lyrics to pass out.
5. Make up an interpretive dance to the poem “There Once Was A Man From Nantucket”. Perform it in each car.
6. Bring a fully stocked bar with you. Offer to mix drinks for people. After you serve them say “Okay that’ll be $6.”
7. Take out your cell phone and pretend to be a telemarketer.
8. Take out your cell phone and pretend to be a pimp.
9. Start singing “It’s A Small World” out loud. Look at the person next to you and say “Oh sorry. I thought we were on the Teacups.”
10. Fly out of your seat and slam your body into the wall every time the train comes to a stop. Then sit back down and pretend nothing happened.
11. See if anyone will give you a massage.
12. Bring a video camera. Film people on the train and tell them you are making a documentary on the life cycle of crabgrass. Ask them to sign a release form.
13. Tell people you are a caricature artist. Draw stick figures with only one distinguishable feature (i.e. the person’s hat, their huge ass, etc.)
14. Make a production out of playing Solitaire on the seat facing you by using Uno cards.
15. Light candles and incense around you while chanting phrases in Pig Latin.
16. Get three other people to pretend to be the Monkees with you. Entertain everyone else by performing “Last Train to Clarksville”. Make sure whoever is being Mike Nesmith has a ski cap on.
17. Place three different sized coins at one end of the car. Let them race to the other side. Give the winner a prize.
18. Ask the conductor if you can borrow his flashlight. Then tell passengers you are a medical student and you want to practice on them by looking in their ears.
19. Try to open a window. When the conductor tries to stop you, tell him/her you want to scatter the ashes of a loved one. If you are permitted to proceed, smoke a cigarette out the window.
20. Bring a baby carrier with a doll in it. Take it out every once in a while to feed it, rock it, change it. Tell the person next to you how you haven’t slept in days because the baby is teething.
At this stage, I’m thinking taking my laptop might be a good idea after all, just in case I end up doing any of these and being thrown off the train!